Daily Prophet
by fracindy
Summary: These are articles excerpt from the Daily Prophet, the Wizard newspaper. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them!! It's so much fun! :) CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM is more than welcome...
1. Accidental Magic Reversal Squad

1 ACCIDENTAL MAGIC REVERSAL SQUAD ON STRIKE AT THE MINISTRY  
  
by Fracindy  
  
It has been reported that the Ministry of Magic is currently experiencing trouble of no small importance: the members of the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad are on strike as of today, after a "minor" incident that took place yesterday afternoon. We had much trouble finding out what exactly happened, but after interviewing many witnesses and employees of the Ministry (including two rather taciturn Unspeakables), and hearing several different versions of the story, we've managed to extract the facts and get to the bottom of this quite confusing affair…  
  
Yesterday around one o'clock, Gilbert Wimple, from the department of Experimental Charms, received an urgent owl from his wife saying their twelve year-old son had disappeared since early that morning. Wimple immediately reported the missing boy to the Head Office at the Ministry and the searches began, starting around the Wimple's home. They didn't last too long, however, as the Ministry was soon informed that a case of splinching had occurred, somewhere in Sussex, and after sending on the spot two Obliviators, it appeared that the wizard in distress was none other than young William Wimple - he hadn't disappeared at all, but tried to apparate in secret from his backyard, where only his feet remained (which is probably why no one found him earlier).  
  
Trouble apparently started when an old Muggle couple walked in unexpectedly on the scene, and in front of the boy's body hanging in mid air, started screaming and running for help. The Obliviators immediately practiced a Memory Charm on both Muggles, but not soon enough to prevent the whole Muggle neighbourhood from being alerted; only a few moments later, the place was swarming with shocked and sometimes hysterical Muggles.  
  
The two Obliviators sent for reinforcement, as much for the Muggles' protection as for their own - some of the Muggles, they say, starting to recover from the fright they'd just had at seeing a live boy cut in half, rounded on the two unfortunate wizards, trying to chase them away with sticks and pitch forks and even guns (deadly Muggle weapons), according to the two men.  
  
Unfortunately, the situation degenerated instead of improving with the arrival of the rest of the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad: indeed, by the time they arrived, the Muggles had alerted their Police (Muggles' equivalent for our Magical Law Enforcement Squad), and soon a harsh confrontation had begun. It took no less than twenty Obliviators and fifteen other members of the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad, and over ten hours of effort, to bring the situation back under control - ten hours in which, according to the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad, many of its members were badly injured or traumatized. "It was awful," says one of them. "I got hit on the head twice with a frying pan by a crazy Muggle woman, and in the confusion a colleague accidentally hexed me with the Full Body Bind Curse."  
  
The Accidental Magic Reversal Squad claims that they had requested help from the Magical Law Enforcement Squad during the conflict, but that the Ministry had, for some unknown reason, refused to give them such help. The Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, declines even knowing about the demand that was made: "No one ever asked for the Magical Law Enforcement Squad to intervene. We had no idea what was going on, that's true, but if we had known how bad things were, of course we would have sent reinforcements! But we can't be everywhere at once, now, can we?" (Which is true, of course, but your Daily Prophet reporter knows for a fact that Cornelius Fudge was at that very moment in Hogsmeade, drinking a glass at the Three Broomsticks with Madam Rosmerta.)  
  
As a result, all of the Obliviators are on strike, and "will remain so until the Minister realizes how dangerous our job is, and does something to provide more safety for us," declared this morning Arnold Peasegood, Head of the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad. When asked what that "something" might be, Peasegood was rather reluctant to share his ideas, under the pretext it wasn't up to him to find solutions, but to the Minister himself, as he already had enough work to do, thank you very much.  
  
Cornelius Fudge chose not to comment this declaration - he was seen shortly afterwards carrying a suitcase and disapparating to an unknown location.  
  
So, until the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad and the Head Office come to an agreement (or until either side gives in under the throng of howlers, cursed letters and hexes they're sending each other), it might be wise to avoid making any fatal mistakes in daily magical activities – and most of all, to keep an eye on underage wizards – knowing that the last time Obliviators were unavailable, old Philippus Cantarini was stuck to his ceiling for three days, his elderly wife being a Squib and most incapable of doing anything to help him. 


	2. Kneazle Breeding

KNEAZLE BREEDING CONFISCATED BY THE DEPARTMENT FOR THE REGULATION AND CONTROL OF MAGICAL CREATURES  
  
  
  
It seems the Ministry of Magic has, once again, by its lack of surveillance, nearly caused a Muggle-Wizard Relationship crisis, which was fortunately avoided, but only barely. This time, it was the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures that was implicated in this most regrettable affair.  
  
Little Hangleton - Monday afternoon, Basil Perkins, employee at the Ministry in the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office, had an appointment to inspect Joshua and Chantal Canterbury's home. The old couple wished to sale their house, but as there were no potential buyers among the nearby wizarding folk, they decided to sale it to Muggles instead - and, as it always is the case when a magical home passes to Muggles, a representative from the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office was called upon to visit the house before declaring it vendible. It is very difficult as it is to get the Ministry's approval for selling a house that once belonged to wizarding folk to non-magical people, as the houses are usually so full of magic, it's impossible to guarantee no accidents will ever happen. But this time, much more than an enchanted cuckoo clock or a bewitched teapot were discovered: indeed, it appears that the Canterburys have been breeding Kneazles illegally and secretly for over a year in their backyard. Kneazles, as any remotely-educated wizard knows, are a species that requires a license for ownership, as they are unusual enough in appearance to attract Muggle attention: they are catlike creatures, with spotted fur of most unusual colours, outsize ears, and a tail like a lion's. Though it sometimes happens they are somewhat affectionate with their masters, they are prompt to assault any intruder that would encroach what they judge as their territory - in this particular case, the Canterbury's backyard.  
  
Basil Perkins accepted to receive us at his home, where he currently remains bedridden, to recount his experience: "I was coming to make sure the house was safe; I was right on time for the appointment we had fixed, so it's not like the Canterburys didn't know I was coming - they could've locked up the damn creatures! I rang the bell at the gate, Muggle fashion so as not to be noticed (all those efforts for nothing, I tell you!), and then started walking toward the house, when out of nowhere came a ball of red fur that jumped at my face, followed by half a dozen others! I won't hide I was quite distressed at the moment, I couldn't even reach my wand - the stupid creatures kept scratching and biting me. It was nearly an entire five minutes before old Joshua got the better of them. Any longer, and I think they would've gotten the better of me!"  
  
Unfortunately, there were more consequences to this incident than just the sick leave Basil Perkins will be enjoying for the next week and a half: the havoc generated by Perkins as he tried to free himself, the furious Kneazles going unrelentingly at him, and the Canterbury couple trying to restrain the creatures (although Perkins affirms that Chantal Canterbury wasn't trying to help him in the least, but was yelling at him for frightening her pets) attracted a great deal of Muggles from the neighbouring houses in front of the gate. Amos Diggory, employee at the Department for the Control and Regulation of Magical Creatures, says it's a miracle no one saw the Kneazles: "As soon as Basil had somewhat recovered he managed to disperse the crowd gathered around the house (even if they must've been alarmed by his injuries) then immediately informed us about the Kneazle breeding. Needless to say, we hurried over and took the creatures, which number twenty-five kittens and six adults, away from the Muggle surroundings - after much protesting from the Canterburys, and biting and fighting from the Kneazles. We relocated them in a safe place, under an employee's supervision, although," added Diggory in a somewhat urgent and pleading tone, nursing a bandaged hand, "if anyone fulfilling the requirements for ownership is interested in adopting the beasts, would he please contact our Department as quickly as possible?"  
  
How the Canterburys managed to keep the Kneazles from Muggle viewing all this time is a mystery, and it certainly is a good thing such a disaster was avoided, but the Ministry fined nonetheless the old couple, who protested that they bread the Kneazles "for their own enjoyment", and certainly not for smuggling. "Kneazles are very affectionate creatures indeed - to those who know how to handle them," said a scolding Mrs Canterbury. "They kept us company in our old days. Really, to take away gentle and harmless creatures such as those. It's shameful!"  
  
Luckily for the old couple, Arthur Weasley, Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office and a friend of the Canterburys, as soon as he heard of the affair, plead their cause to the Ministry, claiming they hadn't done any real harm (his associate vehemently protested at this statement) since no Muggles had actually seen the Kneazles. He even went as far as to say that the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical creatures were the only ones at fault, as they hadn't been capable of better controlling the breeding of potentially dangerous creatures such as Kneazles. In the end the Ministry withdrew the fine (without doubt to avoid a scandal), but gave the Canterburys an official warning never to commit again "such an irresponsible act."  
  
The Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, reminded this morning how important it is to respect the restrictive measures taken by the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures: "There is simply too much to worry about as it is without having to sort out Muggle-Wizard Relationship crises. Every Department is already saturated with work, and so who gets to do all the dirty work in the end, I ask you? The Minister of Magic himself, as always! My doctor's prescribed me rest and piece and quiet, but I never have the opportunity to leave the Office!"  
  
Quite apart from the fact that these infringements have consequences on the Minister's health and well being, we must remind ourselves that for the safety of the entire magical community, it is best to abide by the rules set by the Ministry - even if some are said to be too constraining and sometimes downright ridiculous (although the Daily Prophet, of course, takes no position whatsoever in this argument.) 


End file.
